Ace of Cups, Llewellyn Worldwide
There was a time when a traveller, if he had the will and knew only a few of the secrets, could send his barge out in the Summer Sea and arrive.. at the Holy Isle of Avalon; for at that time the gates between the world drifted within the mists, and were open, one to another, as the traveller thought and willed.
~Marion Zimmer Bradley, Mists of Avalon
The October of the 13 Epiphanies In late 2003, I experienced several months of a spiritual and emotional awakening that arrived without any sort of warning. I don't even recall how it began.. there was just a sudden shift around me of these Great Mysteries. A close friend was preparing for the birth of her first child, while my mother lay dying. The days were filled with raw emotion, intense experiences of full-on forgiveness, sleepless nights of writing down the things my soul suddenly needed to express. I wrote letters of forgiveness to everyone I felt had ever wounded me, and although I never mailed them, I know in my heart they were received.
The catalyst had been a brief encounter with a person whose existence was a beacon of light to me in that dark time. This was a man who was a living embodiment of all that he valued in life. He had perfectly aligned his relationships, his work, even the place he called home, with his love of people and for the planet. His kind, generous spirit was then, and still is, one of the greatest examples in my life of what we are here on earth to do. Though our connection was brief, the legacy of what I learned remains.
“All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honour, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.”
“What do you fear, lady?” he asked.
“A cage,” she said. “To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.”
~Eowyn, The Return of the King, JRR Tolkien
Today my spirit longs to make giant spirit-sized snow angels, under a great big starry sky. No limits, no boundaries, and no cages. She wants this girl to burn the cages.
Of course, my spirit has always been free, as spirits always are. But this woman steering my spirit’s sails by compass has kept her in invisible cages most of her life. I remember giant leaps and hearts on my sleeve and the rush of spirit waving arms and legs back and forth in newly expanded heart spaces. This happened a lot up until I was ten years old. Then the cage went up; though the door was still open. The door eventually closed, and the cage got smaller. But my spirit never shrank. No, spirits do not shrink. Yet mine would really like room to growgrowgrow and shineshineshine.
My spirit cares for my body and wants me to take care of it. But she also wants me to remember my Divinity in every moment, and she wants me to practice connecting to it, too. My spirit is so wise and gentle. She does not deserve to be in a cage. She only stayed in my cages because she didn’t want to leave me behind.. but she was free to go, whenever she wanted. Such love, that she stayed with me all this time. Such love deserves to be listened to.
